You really are an asshole, Karen

producing well, anything, in the age of Google.

I often have a hard time releasing wines. It’s like, you spend a year (or more) tending to this juice, designing labels, picking bottle shapes, ordering logo’d corks, standing on a bottling line, writing tasting notes, etc. and you have to just put the final project out there. I’m always like, “What if nobody likes it"?” Fortunately, I have yet to suffer that fate. The anxiety, however, persists..

It’s certainly no secret that there’s definitely a pretty fatty layer of douchebaggery in the wine industry- envision some old white guy with a mustache sniffing wine with a scowl and putting his glass down to ask someone for a glass of Screaming Eagle. What I have found myself aghast at over the last few year, though, is the meteoric rise of internet trolls on Google.

There was that brief two week period during the panorama when everyone was proudly “Supporting small/local businesses” which ironically died a swift death and has made way for a level of entitlement I have not experienced in the 25 years prior.

“Your winery doesn’t have vegan wines? OK, that’s a one star for you!”. “I can’t bring my 6 children tasting? Well the internet definitely needs me to shred you for your prejudicial policy. After all, my fun doesn’t need to change just because I have kids.” “Your wines aren’t my preference? Well even though I have no wine education or qualification to speak of , I definitely need to leave you a shitty review and tell the world that all of your hard work is meaningless because I don’t have respect or value anything.” It’s quite maddening. You do have the option of simply not returning, after all.

My most recent favorite episode came just two days before Christmas. Definitely a charitable time to throw shade a total stranger that has not done a thing to you, wouldn’t you agree? Let me paste in a couple of my favorite excerpts: “The server was kind and knowledgeable but wearing a hoodie and jeans which seems odd when you’re trying to sell an aspirational experience..” Why yes, ma’am, we will definitely make more of an effort to create a more stuffy and exclusive environment for you to aspire to. How do you feel about tuxedos? May I make one ask? Could you aspire to be less of a jackass? “I’ve purchased better wine for $7 at Meijer”. I’m so sorry, miss, that our wines which have literally won awards were not to your liking. Would you like us to keep some Cold Duck on hand for you? Is there a more cutting way you would like to express this? The best part was the closing: “This is an honest review, despite the incoming insulting response from the owner.” This woman lives with a strong sense of self-awareness, obviously.

When I addressed and questioned these complaints with her, she replied, “I’m not a monster”. I will let you all be the judge. She seems like kind of a bitch to me, though.

Moral of the story? If you value a business and their staff, go ahead and say something nice about them on the internet. They will appreciate it. In the mean time Karens, feel free to come for me. I will let you know what an asshole you are.